A joke for the Australian members.

Jello_Biafra

Tell me if you've heard it before. Because I just want to be able to say "HAHAHAHA IT'S STILL FUNNY!"

An Englishman is wandering the outback of Australia, tired and thirsty.

after a while, he happens upon a bar.

he goes in and waits for the bartender to see him.

Bartender: What'll ya have

Englishman: Gin and Tonic please.

Hearing his order, one of the many aussies in the bar walks over and starts asking him questions.

Aussie:Gin and Tonic? what are ya, a fucking fairy?

Englishman: my word no.

Aussie: so what do you do for a living?

Englishman: I'm a taxidermist

Aussie: what do they do?

Englishman: I stuff dead animals

at this point, the Aussie turns to the rest of the bar and shouts:" It's okay Cobbers, he's one of us!!"

Lease

Very risible.

Particularly like the 'old-time' vernacular.

It can get very, very lonely out there you know.

There was a Yank journalist thought that he'd see what the outback was all about and signed on to a cattle muster.

After a few weeks of nothing but red dirt, dust and flies, he asked around the fire one night about what the boys do to keep themselves from going mad without sex.

"No need to go without", they all said. "Plenty of cows out there ya know" "Oh you wouldn't!", exclaims the journo. "Suit yerself", they say, and go back to their drinking.

So the weeks drag on and the journalist is doing it tough. Whilst everybody else is in good spirits, he's really champing at the bit, so to speak.

One night in sheer desparation he sneaks off in the direction of the herd. Hating himself intensely, but unable to stop, he asuages the burning need within and finds the experience none too bad.

After a while of trying to understand why he feels so good, he swaggers back to the camp. Well the drovers are falling all over the ground just pissing themselves with laughter. Every time they look at him, they collectively go into yet more uncontrollable spasms. After a great deal of this - and during a brief lull - the journo spits "I knew it!, I knew you were having me on! Well I don't care, you got that!! I just don't CARE!!"

"No, no, you misunderstand" says one of the drovers calling on all his self control to string the short sentence together. "It's just that.............................well, with all them cows out there.....................................YOU picked the ugliest bitch of the LOT!!!!!!!"

Clown

:hehe: @ Lease

Lease

Bill wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one

>>>>day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.
>>>>
>>>>The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years
old.
>>>>It
>>>>is shiny and in absolute mint condition.
>>>>
>>>>He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such
>>>>great condition for 10 years.
>>>>
>>>>"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the
>>>>bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome.
>>>>It protects it from the rain."
>>>>
>>>>And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.
>>>>
>>>>That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her
>>>>parents.
>>>>Naturally, they take the bike there.
>>>>
>>>>But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I
>>>>have to tell you something about my family before we go in."
>>>>
>>>>"When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who
>>>>says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."
>>>>
>>>>"No problem," he says. And in they go.
>>>>
>>>>Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a
>>>>huge stack of dirty dishes.
>>>>
>>>>In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the
>>>>stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.
>>>>
>>>>They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.
>>>>
>>>>As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the
situation.
>>>>
>>>>So he leans over and kisses Sandra.
>>>>
>>>>No one says a word.
>>>>
>>>>So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.
>>>>
>>>>Still, nobody says a word.
>>>>
>>>>So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the
>>>>table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.
>>>>
>>>>His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid,
>>>>and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a
>>>>word.
>>>>
>>>>He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he
>>>>grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with

>>>>her every which way right there on the dinner table.
>>>>
>>>>Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still,
>>>>total silence.
>>>>
>>>>All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to
rain.
>>>>
>>>>Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his
>>>>pocket.
>>>>
>>>>Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All
>>>>right, thats enough, I'll do the bloody dishes!"