Jokes - that won't offend anyone

PistonBroke

The Dam

An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years.

He had a dam in the next paddock, fixed up nice - picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some mango and avocado trees. The dam was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam, as he hadn't been there for a while, to look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked.

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the crocodile."

Moral: Old men might walk slowly, but they can still think fast.

FactyCrab

While visiting India , George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam. He
asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to
surround himself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam.

"Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,
"Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child,
and your father has a child, and this child is not your b! rother or sister.
Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says Kalam.

He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes Mr.President. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington,
decides he'd better put the Condoleeza Rice to the test.

Bush summons her to the White House and says,
"Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child,
and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your
sister.
Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to yo!
u?"
Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.
Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators,
and they puzzle over the question for several hours,
but nobody can come up with an answer.
Finally, in desperation, Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush,
and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin
Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Manmohan Singh!" .