Top 8 Morons of 2004
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President
John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership.
He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter
who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA
spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded
himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers
discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line,
shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated
teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money
from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and
asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too
small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for
three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery
suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives
asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your
money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That’s not what I said!".
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone:
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart".
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is
her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven
Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch
without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun.
Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (Hellooooooo)!
8. THE GRAND FINALE!!! Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in
the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to
boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they
couldn't get their brand new 22-foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in
almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After
about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina,
thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A
thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition.
The engine ran fine, the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller
was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the
water to check underneath.
He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
(NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE.)
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!